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    Thursday, March 27, 2008
    Happy Late Easter
    I've tried to start a post like 10 times today... each time I gave up because I just didn't feel like writing. It took some re-reading of old posts from 2005 to spark some interest again, so here I am finally. I love my blog and I love that a few of my friends still blog (though considerably less than they used to!) and I don't want too much time to pass between my posts. Part of it is just for the fact that it is so fun to look back on. I read posts from when Craig and I got engaged and now we've been marred a couple months shy of 2 years! I used to keep a journal all through high school but that pretty much stopped once I started blogging. I guess there's just something in me that wants to record bits and pieces of my life so that I don't forget.

    Anyway, I had a good Easter... I sang in a service Saturday night, and then 2 on Sunday morning. They all went very well and I had a lot of fun. I actually left wishing that it wasn't over! That was a good feeling to have. I feel like it started the re-awakening of my love for music. I haven't picked up my guitar in over 2 years. Isn't that crazy? I used to love to sing and play.. I've still got the tape of when Jessi and I played a set of our very own songs at The Royal in Vancouver. That seems like so long ago and I can't even remember the songs anymore. The past couple years have gone by nearly music free, which is odd...but I feel like it's slowly coming back and there's even a desire to play with the worship team at church.

    I started reading a book that I read back when I first became a Christian, called "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennen Manning. I know I read it once because I've got all sorts of things highlighted and circled, but I have no memory of it. It's definitely been good to read right now though. I've been feeling a little down lately because I feel like I'm not "doing anything for God". I imagine this is another one of those feelings former-ywamers go through. We go from doing Christian activities every day to all of the sudden just "normal life". At first I didn't even recognize that that was how I was feeling, but while reading this book it's definitely bringing it to the surface. It's so good because I'm reminded that faith is not about works...God doesn't love me more when I'm doing Christian activities or love me less when I'm not. God loves me as I am, where I am, where I was yesterday, and where I'll be tomorrow. I'll leave you with a quote that I kept re-reading last night:

    "The danger with our good works, spiritual investments, and all the rest of it is that we can construct a picture of ourselves in which we situate our self-worth. Complacency in ourselves then replaces sheer delight in God's unconditional love. Our doing becomes the very undoing of the ragamuffin gospel."

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    posted by jamie @ 12:08 AM   3 comments
    Friday, March 21, 2008

    Remember how a year ago I talked on my blog about being able to fly from Bellingham to Columbus for $10 on Skybus? Well, we were sooooo excited when Skybus opened up in Niagara falls, because then if we booked early enough, it was cheaper to fly down to my parents' than to drive! They just opened up flights from April - July a few weeks ago, so right away we got on there and booked a flight for me to visit my family in the end of April, and then for me to get to my friend Steph's wedding in June (fly to Columbus, stop over, then to Milwaukee).

    Well, just got an email saying that Skybus is "cancelling" their Niagara service as of April 1st - or in other words, they're not even starting it even though everyone's already bought up tons of seats for the whole summer. UGH! I don't understand why they can't just suck it up and still fly the ones that already booked, and then stop after July when they hadn't even opened up any seats yet. It's a big bummer for us. I've got to cancel my columbus - milwaukee flights now too because of it.

    Well anyway... I don't have any deep thoughts today. It's good friday, which makes me miss my ywam guys because we always had something going on around this time. We're not going to go to church tonight because I'm pretty much going to be there all weekend because of performing with the Easter choir. It was kind of neat in the practice last night, we're singing with a whole band of instruments, guitar, keys, brass, flute, drums, congos. I think it sounds pretty good. I'll try to get Craig to take a picture so I can post it. That's all for now, gotta get some homework done.
    posted by jamie @ 11:42 AM   2 comments
    Saturday, March 15, 2008
    on friendship
    I miss blogging about things other than school, work and the weather... so I'll talk about the one thing on all ex-ywammers' minds: friendship. Or, lack of.

    So basically when you're a ywammer, your friends are picked for you. BUT, since each staff member chose to give up all their other plans of career and school etc for varying time periods, and loves God and missions and creativity and honesty and integrity, and is generally a really nice person,etc etc, having your friends chosen for you is pretty awesome. We're all on a similar page, even if it looks totally different. We're also into the whole "community" thing, and use that word more often than most humans. So when one leaves this community and moves to a new city to make a life there, it's a pretty big change-slash-slap-in-the-face. Now, it's not about "us" or "we", it's just about doing the every day things like work or school or raising your kid or whatever. Which is all great things, but that huge chunk of your life that was entwined in all these other people's lives is pretty much gone, no matter how many blogs you read or emails you get. So, why would anyone leave, you ask? Well, some people don't, but they don't have it too much easier because they have to stay back and watch all their bosom buddies leave. And those of us who do leave generally just start to get that feeling that it's time to move on to other things.

    I lay all this out, simply for the back story of how I (and I'm sure many other ex-ywammers) feel now. The first thing that crosses my mind is: will I ever find a group of friends that know me as deeply as my ywammers? The second thing: will I ever feel like I'm part of something big again? And third, if so, WHEN? Oh and fourth, how the heck do 'normal' people make friends?
    posted by jamie @ 8:49 PM   5 comments
    Sunday, March 09, 2008
    Ready for Spring

    Will this stupid winter ever end??? I'm definitely ready... It was snowing for 2 days straight here, causing all sorts of annoyances. First, the car got stuck in the middle of the road, causing me to be nearly 3 hours late for work. Then, yesterday we were supposed to meet Randy and Don at Missions Fest in Toronto but of course we couldn't get there because of the roads...also not allowing Craig to deliver pizza last night and me to get to choir practice today. GRR!

    Okay done with that rant. Anyway, I have 4 days off from work this week which is great because it's allowing me to get caught up with school again. I've finished my nutrition and photoshop work already, but I need to write an essay for history by tomorrow. My classes have all been really interesting so far, with actually a bit lighter of a work load then last semester.

    Not much else to report I guess. Just thought I'd gripe about the snow, as you all know how much I like talking about snow on my blog.


    posted by jamie @ 3:11 PM   0 comments
    Saturday, March 01, 2008
    Well the past few days have been interesting. A few nights ago we found out that one of our YWAM family passed away. It was quite a shock because in all her email and blog updates, I never imagined that she wouldn't beat the cancer once again and get herself back to Vancouver. Craig and I were dumbfounded, and the past few nights I've laid awake with that nagging feeling again of how death is so not understandable. My heart so goes out to her family and close friends who are in an entirely different realm of grief then I, because they are the ones who will see everyone else's lives go back to normal while there's never will. There was a beautiful article on the front page of the Winnipeg Press all about Renee, check it out here. Also, for some amazing inspirational words and more about Renee's last moments, check out her dad's lovely blog here.

    Other than that, it's just been work and school. I'm a little behind in some of my school work, so I've really gotta kick it into high gear today and tomorrow. Oh I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I joined my church choir! It's only a seasonal thing, so this one is for the Easter service. Last week was our first practice and I have another one tomorrow. I am hoping that it will allow me to meet some people, as well as give me an outlet to sing again. It was sooo fun last week talking about choir terms like diphthongs, allegro, staccato, etc. I sure haven't heard that stuff in a while and it was a lot of fun ;)

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    posted by jamie @ 11:15 AM   2 comments

    About Me

    Name: jamie
    Home: St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada
    About Me: I am an American living in Ontario. I've just recently started going to school again for a BA in Human Services. I like mexican and indian food and watching tv way more than the average individual. I absolutely love talking to my parents on the phone and my brother is one of my best friends. I'm married to a great guy whose pretty much the exact opposite of me but he loves me and makes laugh and we have a lot of fun. I didn't always feel this way, but these days I'm feelin' pretty good. That's my life, welcome to chaos and order.
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