|I've tried to start a post like 10 times today... each time I gave up because I just didn't feel like writing. It took some re-reading of old posts from 2005 to spark some interest again, so here I am finally. I love my blog and I love that a few of my friends still blog (though considerably less than they used to!) and I don't want too much time to pass between my posts. Part of it is just for the fact that it is so fun to look back on. I read posts from when Craig and I got engaged and now we've been marred a couple months shy of 2 years! I used to keep a journal all through high school but that pretty much stopped once I started blogging. I guess there's just something in me that wants to record bits and pieces of my life so that I don't forget.
Anyway, I had a good Easter... I sang in a service Saturday night, and then 2 on Sunday morning. They all went very well and I had a lot of fun. I actually left wishing that it wasn't over! That was a good feeling to have. I feel like it started the re-awakening of my love for music. I haven't picked up my guitar in over 2 years. Isn't that crazy? I used to love to sing and play.. I've still got the tape of when Jessi and I played a set of our very own songs at The Royal in Vancouver. That seems like so long ago and I can't even remember the songs anymore. The past couple years have gone by nearly music free, which is odd...but I feel like it's slowly coming back and there's even a desire to play with the worship team at church.
I started reading a book that I read back when I first became a Christian, called "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennen Manning. I know I read it once because I've got all sorts of things highlighted and circled, but I have no memory of it. It's definitely been good to read right now though. I've been feeling a little down lately because I feel like I'm not "doing anything for God". I imagine this is another one of those feelings former-ywamers go through. We go from doing Christian activities every day to all of the sudden just "normal life". At first I didn't even recognize that that was how I was feeling, but while reading this book it's definitely bringing it to the surface. It's so good because I'm reminded that faith is not about works...God doesn't love me more when I'm doing Christian activities or love me less when I'm not. God loves me as I am, where I am, where I was yesterday, and where I'll be tomorrow. I'll leave you with a quote that I kept re-reading last night:
"The danger with our good works, spiritual investments, and all the rest of it is that we can construct a picture of ourselves in which we situate our self-worth. Complacency in ourselves then replaces sheer delight in God's unconditional love. Our doing becomes the very undoing of the ragamuffin gospel."
Labels: bethany community church, Brennen Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel