Chaos & Order: A Hard Day's Work

I feel like all those years of searching for my dreams and passions and finding my purpose and all that, has left me with high expectations that I should only be doing things that 'bring me life'. But what about those in-between times when you can't really do your destiny/dreams/passions, because you simply just have to pay the bills? I feel like I am in one of these transition times. My job does not 'bring me life'. It actually tires me out..it doesn't come naturally, it's not operating in my strengths, and though I don't doubt it is an extremely important job to do, I don't really feel like I do all that much. Well, let me re-phrase that.. I do a heck of a lot of work... more hours than any other job I've ever done except staffing a DTS. But the work is not the kind where you come home from a long day and feel like you accomplished something. It will all be waiting for you when you get there in the morning, in fact more work will have come in over night through the fax machine, email, and answering machine. It's really never-ending and it's hard and I give Rita (my boss) mega props.

All that said though, I don't feel like I'm in the wrong place, just because it doesn't 'feel' good. But it does make me look forward to the next phase of my life, which will be going back to school. I am narrowing down my school choice to Empire State, which is the predominantly on-line school. With my visa in process, it just makes sense to stay in Canada and not cross the border twice a day. I haven't said no to Niagara University yet, but I probably will in the next couple weeks.

Well that's all for now, except that I just want to say that the greatest thing in my life right now is my dear husband Craig.. He's kind and loving and funny, and I love hanging out with him. So even if I have a hard day at work, I know I can come home to him, and that makes me happy.

posted by jamie @ 11:48 PM

3 Comments:

At 2:39 AM, April 25, 2007, Pamela said…

LOVE your honesty James... you are right about the 'normal' stuff of life... that is where knowing the BIGGER picture keeps you in HOPE! I too say HATS OFF to Rita, my hero!!

Hey you have created a blogger believer in me! Thanks for your feedback too! LOVE YA JAMES!
At 5:50 PM, April 26, 2007, jacqui said…

i'd just like to say that i hope the graphic design stuff is "bringing you life" outside of "the office" ... because i love the cities conference ad, and your new look on the blog rocks.
props.
At 6:23 PM, April 26, 2007, jamie said…

thanks Jacqui! Actually the graphics stuff really does do that for me.. I can play around with it for hours and not even notice the time! Thanks for the props.